Long-running American Experiment finally concludes; "you're going to be very surprised," say lead author
Results to be published in the Journal of Organic Oligarchy
By Jacob Simmons
Dec 19, 2024
Democrats bring wrong Gunn to knife fight
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By Daniel Foster
Dec 18, 2024
Local News
Finally! Women's bathroom in congress reserved for cis women and trans men only
New Subhead
By Melissa Brown
Dec 17, 2024
Gabriel Santiago / OpenArt
Man who hates spoilers insists that people stop telling him the eery history of how the nazis took over Germany
"It will ruin the surprise"
By Jennifer Evans
Dec 17, 2024
Amara Nwosu / OpenArt
Man reports that Rebel Alliance were kind of stuck up, didn't laugh at his jokes
"They deserve whatever frozen planet they're hiding on"
By Anton Ellerton
Dec 16, 2024
Arjun Das / OpenArt
America tries to explain to her daddy that when she hit her 240s, her taste in men changed a lot
These years are when a lot of democracies crave adventure, danger and sugar daddies
By Gabriel Gutierrez
Dec 6, 2024
Entrance to Mar-A-Lago blocked by historic landslide
New Subhead
By Robert Hall, Terrence Mitchell
Dec 5, 2024
Lifestyle
Goodbye pandemic puppies, hello adorable face-eating Leopard cubs
New Subhead
By Elena Navarro, Grace Evans
Dec 7, 2024
Trump's college nickname “tator d—k” may have been a warning to the world
"Now it makes a lot more sense," says former classmate
By Michelle Clark
Dec 5, 2024
It's official: Trump's Johnson is a fun guy
He might have a funny-shaped head, but that doesn't keep him from diving into all sorts of excitement
By Emma Jansen
Dec 5, 2024
Politics
Trump 45 jubilant that he will probably no longer be the worst president after Trump 47 ruins the nation
New Subhead
By Chanel Thomas, Christopher Blake
Dec 6, 2024
Science: Fear of clowns shown to be strongest indicator of whether a person votes against GOP
Harvard sociology professor makes political science breakthrough
By Ethan Chen
Dec 6, 2024
MAGA desperate to dispose of rotting elephant carcass in basement of Mar-A-Lago
No good options for disposing of the GOP mascot
By Daniel Foster
Dec 6, 2024
Melania pulls the trigger on a new signature initiative
"Aim Best" will help every American improve their aim with rifles
By Victoria Hayes
Dec 5, 2024
Elon Musk offers the Senate a horse, in exchange for f--king it
Musk upholds the centuries-old norm of the new autocrat sending a horse to the senate when he seizes power
By Daniel Foster, Olivia Brooks
Dec 4, 2024
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Immigrants these days lack that impressive ambition to suck the world dry and destroy democracy
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Chastity O'Connor
Columnist
Sports
Local Maine Coon not even interested in sports, but thanks for asking
Business
New Trump venture, SKAMS, will shrink all of your criminal activity into an almost non-existent silhouette
Arts
Revealed: Those classified boxes were actually reams and reams of Trump's poetry
Lifestyle
Mega-dad Elon Musk plans amazing Christmas with all the presents he's getting himself
Opinion
Alito and Thomas shouldn’t be penalized just because they are the wildest, craziest, most epic travel guests ever
David Wilson
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News
Newly-conceived oligarchy cannot be aborted, rules Supreme Court
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She-Hulk Marjorie Taylor Greene defends women's bathroom from those not womanly enough
The congresswoman's bulging biceps burst through her blouse Thursday afternoon in a display of rage over people who do not conform to her notion of the female gender
By Deborah White
Dec 4, 2024
American Democracy ends in 47 days; here are the best TikTok dances with mad fascist rizz
Get ready to dance your black leather boots off
By Jason Whitmore
Dec 4, 2024
Grateful nation prepares for presidency of smartest, strongest, tallest most handsome felon ever
Also: funniest, best dancer, toughest negotiator compared to all past presidents convicted of sexual assault
By Bo Rickham
Dec 4, 2024
Popular
Local Maine Coon not even interested in sports, but thanks for asking
He's always been the biggest cat around, and he's used to people asking what position he plays
Long-running American Experiment finally concludes; "you're going to be very surprised," say lead author
Results to be published in the Journal of Organic Oligarchy
Man reports that Rebel Alliance were kind of stuck up, didn't laugh at his jokes
"They deserve whatever frozen planet they're hiding on"
Science: Fear of clowns shown to be strongest indicator of whether a person votes against GOP
Harvard sociology professor makes political science breakthrough
Entrance to Mar-A-Lago blocked by historic landslide
New Subhead